Filthy
by AnatayLee
Summary: She is dirty with lies. Dirty with hate. Dirty with bruises of her past lover. Dirty. Dirty. Dirty. Filthy. Yet he still loves her.
1. o1

**I guess I'm right now. So this is the outcome. Hurrwego. I hope you guys enjoy.**

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><p>His eyes, deceiving swirls of everlasting lies, are scarlet with tears pooling at the edges. Underneath rests a dark shade of fatigue. His vision must be blurring as he chokes on his once smooth, enchanting lines.<p>

Those overused, women-slaughtering words are distorted now that I recite them back to him.

"I still love you, I really do."

Every word he uttered had been so lovely. My heart had exploded, sending clear signals to my brain. Telling me that I was in love. But I was fine with that. I wanted to love him. I wanted to curl up beside his chest, and lay my ears next to his chest to hear my favorite tune, and to rest with it eternally, intertwined with each other. He was a prince to me. Warm/Shiny/Smile-worthy.

I remember how I used to latch onto him as if he was the only anchor keeping me on the earth.

But he was the king of lying. Warm/Shiny/Smile-worthy. And he had turned me into his queen.

But I have no regrets. I had wanted this. I had no care in the world for the consequences. And so I wasn't going to start caring now.

I forge a quick I-already-miss-you-so-much-it-hurts smile once he nods, wiping away his tears, obviously offended because I wasn't shedding any. Cold/Disgusting/I-was-so-dumb-for-loving-him.

He doesn't question my lies. And I don't either.

They are too true to be called lies.

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My throat burns as the people that I classify as my 'friends' jam their gossip questions into my space. My privacy. Don'tGetMadDon'tGetMad.

Questions about my ex.

The prince called Tadase.

I should have prepared for this. No. It's alright. I can even do this in my sleep. BeConfidentBeConfident.

"It was hard giving him up," Truth. "But I knew I had to do it, he just wasn't healthy for me." Truth.

I am being honest for once.

Where is my Oscar?

Rima glares at me. Short/Blonde/Hate-her. She's jealous, I know she is. She thinks I'm bragging. She thinks I'm just using his "pain" for my own social upgrade. I know her too well.

She knows me too well.

The edges of her mouth opens, just so she can mouth two words that slashes my heart, as sharp as the blades she cuts herself with.

'_Lying bitch_.'

My mouth suddenly becomes parched.

The bell rings.

I get up for a sip of water.

But instead I go into the bathroom, and pour my heart out in the stalls.

I am crying too hard.

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Rima used to be my friend.

We used to spend every Saturday night together. She used to braid flowers into my hair. I used to whine about it, complaining about how bees would swarm over my head. But I would never do anything about it.

I had always liked it.

I had always liked the way my carnation pink sleeping bad looked next to her sunflower yellow one. I had always liked the way she applied makeup on me, and the way she used to complain about her height after I complained about my abnormal shade of hair.

We had walked to school together every morning, with our fingers lacing together. Like an invisible friendship bracelet had bind us together.

We used to joke about it.

Rima used to by my friend.

My best friend.

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"Welcome back, sweetheart."

My stepmother smiles at me.

She never calls me by my actual name.

It's like she has forgotten it.

Amu. My name sounds foreign. I'm too used to people calling me other names that would crush my father's heart.

"Hello, Midori."

I see the way her smile fades. She wants me to call her 'mom.' Or 'mother.'

But I will never call a stranger that.

I'll go upstairs and study. I must maintain an A+. I must. I must. She better not bother me.

Her hair is the same color as Rima's.

It is a disgusting color.

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I am pathetic.

Midori cried today.

Shes fed up with the way I treat her.

My dad gives me The Look.

I call Midori mom, just to calm her down.

My chest hurts from this lie.

I am pathetic.

My RealMom will be disappointed in me.

I called a stranger my mom today.

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><p><strong>Lol I might introduce Ikuto tomorrow. I hoped you guys liked it. It was short. I might delete this tomorrow, because it seems like it'll srslybringyoualldown. ;c<strong>

**Btw, yes, I think I've given up my other story.  
>Klolohwell. <strong>


	2. o2

**SO I DECIDED NOT TO INCLUDE IKUTO IN THIS CHAPTER, BUT THE NEXT ONE I PROMISEZSEAZAEZEA. **

**And, thanks for all the reviews and all guys! c: I really appreciate it.**

**Kso. Hurr we go.**

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><p><em>The flower petals<em>

_Begin to rot_

I look up to see the discomfort of my language arts class as they watch my eyes roam around the sheet of paper that I had been writing on for the past ten minutes, and my fingers gripping onto the surface of my desk while I drive my finger nails into the lush comfort of wood.

_Matching your heart._

My words are sharpening my own wounds, while cutting open new ones on his heart. This is what I think that I am doing. This is what I was hoping that I could accomplish.

But his face is blank.

Tadase does not squirm against my vulnerable poem. In fact he smiles. Knowingly. Smugly. Dangerously. Cold/Disgusting/I-was-so-dumb-for-loving-him.

Red light. Red light. Red light.

Hes going to get me after this. I should run.

My fingernails are starting to hurt as I ground them into my desk, hoping to ground myself in as well.

I am a flimsy rabbit. He is a wolf.

He is faster. Stronger. Better. Better. Better. Cold/Disgusting/I-was-so-dumb-for-loving-him.

He will get me. He will eat me. He will destroy me for attempting to embarrass him in front of the entire classroom.

He is the first one to clap for me after my poem ends.

I cannot breathe.

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His fingers clasp around my wrist before I can scurry down the hallway.

I whirl around, my eyes spearing with innocence. They lie for me. I'll treat them to a nap in the storage room after this.

The wolf smiles. Grandmother-what-big-teeth-you've-got.

"Hey, I think we should hang out sometime again," I don't think we should. "I'd still like to be your friend." You were never my friend.

Reality misses me by a mile, I do not think about the consequences that are going to nail me into the wall after this.

"I'm sorry, but don't you think you're going to be busy?" I ask, trying to shake his dirty fingers off of me. But he is stronger. I'll need to wash my hands after this. I'll have to scrub as hard as I can. My skin feels like its crawling.

He narrows his eyes on me. "What is that suppose to mean?"

I should stop before he pierces me with those eyes.

I cower and manage a friendly smile. His grip is starting to suffocate me. My wrist feels like its connected to my neck.

"Nothing, I was just trying to crack a joke." I mutter quickly, before prying his fingers off of me. I swing my arms behind me. "I'm trying to improve my humor." Lie. Lie. Lie.

Lying is my second language.

"Yeah, you're not very good at it." He states the obvious. But I am still hurt. "Anyway, about hanging out, are you available this Saturday?"

"Yes."

I should have lied. Why didn't I. Why didn't I. Why? Why? Why?

He smiles. Vile. His smile is so vile. Grandmother-what-big-teeth-you've-got.

"Good."

No no no no. Not good. Not good. Please let there be a funeral on Saturday, so I don't need to go. Preferably mine.

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Rima has been staring at the back of my head for the past thirty minutes. It's like shes trying to burn a hole through my head, then feast on my brain.

It's too bad that I don't have one.

I'm convinced that where the chunk of zombie food is suppose to be is nothing but empty space.

My science test proves this theory to be correct. I've completely bombed it.

The stench of the woman's sharpie marker clogs my nose.

An ugly, big F is written next to my name. Underneath is her messy handwriting, cramped into a little box. '_Please meet me after school._'

I can't. I have a load of homework that I need to complete. But I should. I should hear her out. Maybe she'll offer to tutor me.

On the way to lunch, I grab a flower from the garden besides the girl's bathroom.

I rip a petal off.

Can't.

Another petal.

Should.

And another.

Can't.

More, more, more. Until there is only one single petal left.

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"I'm worried about you, Hinamori." She calls me by my last name whenever I'm in trouble. Like my RealMom. "You used to outshine everyone in the classroom with your A+'s. But now you're even going down to a B-?"

Her face is troubled.

I keep quiet.

"And to add your test score to your grade, you'll end up with a C-." I grind my fingernails into my palm. "What is going on with you?"

My eyes shift away. I hear her sigh.

"And I know it's not only this class." She says, before rambling on and on about how I'm not doing all so well in my other classes as well. "You used to be such a good girl."

I used to be such a good girl.

Sleep at nine. Wake up early enough to make breakfast for my dad and Ami. Sometimes RealMom when shes back from her job. Study until I aced all of my tests. Used to be honest.

But then I met Tadase. But then I started getting all these indecent bruises that he would inflict on me emotionally and physically. But then RealMom started to worry and my father couldn't care less. And then. And then. And then.

But I must not dwell in the past. I must not. Or I will hurt myself.

I knew I shouldn't have come. Damn flower. Damn grades. Damn teacher.

I will study harder.

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When I get home, everything is a mess.

RealMom and Father are arguing over the phone.

Midori and Ami are locked inside the master bedroom.

I catch bits and pieces of my parent's argument.

_It's all your fault! __Did you not see her grades? __All your faultfaultfault. __Shouldn't have let her stay with you._

I feel sick.

Sick of parents.

Sick of school.

Sick of Rima.

Sick of Tadase.

Sick of feeling so weak.

Sick of life.

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><p><strong>REVIEW RESPONSES:<strong>

**MExTRUNKS4ever **  
>Lol yeah. Dark is what I aim for. Kso. Amu is a liar, Tadase is her abusive ex, Midori is her stepmother, yada yada yada. Rima is her ex best friend. And as for now, Amu is struggling and all that. Lawl.<p>

**Natsuya801923**  
>Lmfao, I like being different. c: Idk man. I think I'll make Amu's RealMom some new character or something, or I'll just never say her real name. Lawl.<p>

**xiannnz**  
>Lol, for your sake, I won't. c:<p>

**Thanks for reviewing, guys! **


	3. o3

**FFFYEAHHH REVIEWS. THANKS GUYSSSS~! AYIEEEE. **

**You all are the best, I swear I swear. c: **

**And like I promised, Ikuto is in this chapterr.**

**But this chapter sucks so0o0o0oo0o0o0o0oo0o0o don't hate me.**

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><p>"You aren't going to eat this morning?"<p>

I look up to squint at the woman who has taken over the mother role of the family. Ahah. As if. Not while I'm around.

If looks could kill.

I'd be a mass murderer.

It takes a while before I realize that shes asking me about breakfast.

_I eat my feelings for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And for snack as well. How can I be hungry?_

I slam the door.

She will whine to my father about this afterwards.

I'll have to stay over at a friend's house.

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I try not to wince as he wires his venomous fingers drenched with another girl's faded scent around my paper hair, shaded in the color of pastel crimson.

I squirm in my chair, fingernails chipped and broken and numbed.

I regret biting them all off now.

He yanks my hair back a little. My eyes widen.

I want to scream.

I want to screech at him and tell him that he was hurting me and I didn't want to see him and and and. And I want to so bad.

But my mouth is broken. Sewn shut by the thread of his status. The prince. Riding on a white horse, shining glory, everlasting promises lingering on his liar mouth.

But I am fluent in fiction as well.

I raise my arm. As if I am in second grade again, restless yet obedient. The man nods my way, an indication that he wants me at his desk.

Once I arrive, I ask him if I can go to the nurse's office. "I have cramps, and I'm pretty sure its the time of the month again. I feel sick."

On my way to the door, I hear Tadase's voice. Too quiet for others to hear. Full of knowledge. About me.

"Liar liar pants on fire."

I resist the urge to plunge my pencil into his shoulder and grind my way into the marrow of his bones.

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Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him. Must. Not. Kill. Him.

**Must**.** Not**.** Kill**.** Him**.

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"You can't go out!" Midori's exasperated voice shoots bullets in my fragile armor. I forgot to hibernate at a friend's house. Crap.

It would be best to act natural.

"But why not?" Ami's response shakes with each tear she sheds. I shove my bare feet into the carpet, hidden behind the cabinet.

"Your piano teacher is going to be here soon," Ami hates piano. Hates it with a passion. Hates it Hates it Hates it. Hates it enough to write twelve pages of hate in her diary about it. She showed me.

But, of course, Midori wouldn't know.

"But it'll just take five minutes." She whines, tears dampening the carpet beneath her. Midori will freak, once she realizes.

RealMom would have allowed Ami to go. RealMom would have rushed them out of the house, fast enough to come back in hysterics, their cheeks flushing and their eyes glowing.

Like how she did with me.

"You can't, please, Ami." The blonde looks ready to collapse. "Please, don't argue with me anymore. I can't take it."

Ami is ready to collapse as well.

Ready to shred herself into tiny pieces and to scatter herself onto the couch and all over the house. She is not used to control freaks like our stepmother.

It's time for me to appear.

"Not everything is about you, Midori." I have decided to use the word 'mom' only when necessary. Only when she breaks down in front of my father. Midori's face hardens. "I'll go take the car keys, c'mon Ami, let's go."

"You can't." My stepmother looks ready to carve scars into my back. "Ami has piano lessons to attend to."

Ami begins whining again.

I kneel down next to my younger sister, before wiping away her tears with my thumb. "What do you want, sweetheart?"

"Candy."

I smile.

"Alright, I'll be back soon, go upstairs and wash your face." Ami nods, before pulling me into a hug. "Quickly! Before your piano teacher comes."

She giggles before trotting up the stairs.

I don't even bother to spare a glance at Midori.

I can already feel her glare on the back of my neck as I walk out of the room, the clinking of my father's car keys blaring in my pockets.

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I have only taken about two steps out the car door before someone bumps into me. Hard.

I skid onto the cement, the keys piercing my thigh.

I look up to see a boy. A teenager?

Navy hair. Porcelain skin. Midnight eyes, swirling with indifference.

I drown in darkness, but not before I see him leave me. Dirty black vans turning away from me. He is not going to help me up.

Reality blurs, and soon, I blackout.

Death?

I wouldn't mind.

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><p><strong>KSO DOESN'T IKUTO SOUND LIKE A BASTARD?<strong>

**Lol we'll just have to wait and see.**

**REVIEW RESPONSES:**

**MExTRUNKS4ever  
><strong>Awh hun, I hope you're alright. D; I fell down the stairs once. That crap hurztszdszdz.

**Remembering Alice **  
>OMG U SO FLATTERHNNGGG. Ghurzl. BOOTIFUL REVIEW AND BOOTIFUL FANFICS!<p>

**MyCatIkuto**  
>It factor? Hell yeazhsszszszs. Thanks! C: Your support means a lot!<p>

**Snow**  
>Lawl hell no. Amu would never commit suicide. No matter how bad the situation is.<p>

**bma925**  
>Thanks babe. c: My language arts teacher used to think that I was crazy, the way I wrote. xD<p>

**Thanks for reviewing, guys!**


	4. o4

HOLLY CRAP I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO WRITE AFTER THIS.

GIVE ME SOME IDEASSS.

D8

I ALREADY HAVE THE INTRODUCTION DONE THOUGH.


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